turning within to expand out

18 12 2009

i’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but i have not been posting the best of 09 posts for the last several days. i will be picking these posts up again on the 20th, in two more days.

i’ve been in a whirlwind of school finals, holiday things, work, and we are moving to another part of brooklyn on the 29th of this month. blah blah blah. i decided to trust that if i didn’t get to my blog and do every single one of the best 09 challenges that all my readers wouldn’t leave me and that i’d still be a decent human being.

i can get into the silly mental gymnastics competition of, “if i do x, i’ll be a better person.”

it’s a big trap, so i decided to just do what was in front of me taking care of all the things that simply could not wait, and accepting that there is only so much i can do in a day and that’s really ok.

instead of generating more and more energy to do it all, i have made small decisions each day to what needs to get done and then to rest.

it takes some trust to rest. the world goes on without us and we worry we will miss something, or not be on top of our game, or people will forget us and we will be out of the loop. it’s not easy to stop pushing pushing pushing, and to stop saying over and over how busy we are.

it’s so boring to hear that people are busy. it doesn’t really tell you anything specific about them or where they are at anyway. Mostly it just keeps people out.

so that’s where i’ve been. accepting my energetic limits and choosing other things besides being more wound up and stressed out.

when i’ve had a few minutes, i’ve chosen to lay down or go to yoga class or watch a netflix or look through my art books instead of post here.

i can feel my energy gathering again. i can feel the edges of my eyes softening again. i can feel the ease flowing in my veins and muscles. stressed out is not our natural state you know.

what i know about myself is that i don’t want to live life hard and hardened. i want to live it soft and relaxed. i don’t want to grasp and push.

the only way to do that is to choose stillness, not after the turbo-movement has stopped, but while it happening. choosing to stop in the midst of the motion. to extend care towards myself that has it’s own inherent wisdom and knowing of when and how to do that.

obligation and expectation often hijacks that inner knowing.

why do we often find ourselves pushing and extending beyond what feels right for us?

we have these extraordinary emotional compasses inside us that we override very often.

with the solstice approaching, it’s a perfect time to listen to our inner voice of guidance. and ya know what? it always comes in the form of a whisper.

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13 responses

18 12 2009
Julie

“i can feel the edges of my eyes softening again.” When I read this, the edges of my eyes softened in response. I’ve never consciously seen that my eyes relax in this way when I drop into stillness.

Sharing the truth with others seems to offer up the possibility for the recipient, if she chooses, to come into alignment with reality, with what is really here, rather than being far away in the mental constructs of the mind. That is what happened here for me. Your words and the truth behind them, led me down into stillness. Thank you, Bindu.

18 12 2009
Julie Jordan Scott

You are singing my song. Beautifully.

I love when you mention how boring it is when people say they are busy. Several years ago I crossed “no problem” and “boring” out of my day to day vocabulary.

As of right now, because of you – I am crossing off busy. It isn’t specific, it doesn’t help anything, it isn’t informative or enlightening, it doesn’t add to the increase.

THANK YOU so much!

18 12 2009
Kate I

You’ve said so well, just how I feel! Thank you. I too have been opting out of the traditional December panic/frantic mode that I’ve always bought into. This year I’m choosing to enjoy the moments and if I don’t get ‘everything” done, it will all be just fine.

18 12 2009
emma

I’m just coming to realize how much I and others use “I’m so busy” as a way to keep people out and just keep spinning. Thank you for the reminder. If I’m loud, I won’t hear the whisper, and I want to hear the whisper.

Beautiful photo and beautiful post.

18 12 2009
Square-Peg Karen

This hit me straight in the heart – I’ve been doing those “silly mental gymnastics competition” things you mentioned — for me the gymnastics get tricky, they’re usually about things that DO feel right, and the thing I have to get quiet and listen for is: which of the zillion things I’d love to do feels MOSt right at the time. It’s a learning process…

Thanks for this, I’m going to print it to keep reading!

19 12 2009
Sarita Pagita

This post really resonates with me. Especially at this time of year. Amidst all the chaos and confusion of the shopping, buying, baking, wrapping, socializing, that little whisper in me is usually drowned out by too much champy and loud Christmas music. I love the reminder about the solstice, too. Thanks for the lovely post.

19 12 2009
friendpimp

I applaud you! I have been feeling this too. In fact, yesterday I chose to take a nap at 4:00pm rather than be productive.

I also didn’t write my #best09 post until today because I knew I needed to rest rather than write and today I wondered if I had broken my stride because of it. (Sometimes I forget that I can make up the rules in my own personal game of life.)

I couldn’t agree more that, “it’s so boring to hear that people are busy.” I mean really, who isn’t busy? Busyness seems to be a socially acceptable excuse nowadays for not returning calls, emails, following through or just connecting.

Thank you for the observations and for sharing your turning within. It gives the rest of us permission to do so too.

19 12 2009
Kate T.W.

I noticed πŸ˜‰ Yea to you for embracing this time of deep dreaming and quiet. I’ve been taking snatches of it where I can. Been trying to slow down by cooking healthy slow meals, drinking herbal teas, and making sure to take time to meditate… It seems to be working, except when I get back onto twitter somehow. So I can’t tell you how much I appreciate reading this. It is an island of aaahhh.

19 12 2009
Mena

My vacation of two weeks began yesterday at 1:30 p.m., a much needed respite. I posted just last night that after only six hours of vacation I was already beginning to relax and take notice of the things around me, for instance the Christmas lights in my foyer. They have been up for a couple of weeks, but it was only last night when I sat down with no worries that I noticed that they are quite pretty. That occurred without even leaving my own house. I cannot wait to see what beauty lies beyond my front door now that I have some time to slow down and take notice.

23 12 2009
insatiablehost

oh bindu i have seen the light…i have never looked at “busy” as being unavailable yet i too push through the days, weeks, months like they aren’t full events..
i want to learn how to stop and relax..but really how does one do this??? I am going to link your post in mine and also use excerpts for this too…what a wonderful thought process and mentality you have. if you have the “self help” book that tells me step by step how to do this, please let me know

xoxo insatiablehost.

28 12 2009
pip

Nature! smell a tree, touch a tree, sit in a tree! Or go to a dirt/soil patch and lay your back on it and look up at the beautiful sky.

Yes i am a dirty tree hugger and sky dreamer.

3 01 2010
Corra McFeydon

Your words are calming. So true we should heed that voice.

Great to meet you. πŸ™‚

~ Corra

9 01 2010
nomadicwoman

As the drunken poet Charles Brodkowsky once wrote; ” Why do people always think they have to being “Doing”, to be creative….;”

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