falling

14 10 2009

2954500059_3790f9a463_tit’s that time of year again. my favorite one. autumn. or as it’s colloquially known; fall.

it’s when crops are gathered and leaves fall. it’s also a time of dying. with halloween (samhain) and day of the dead (dia de los muertos) coming at the end of this month, it is a powerful time when the veil between the two worlds is very thin.

a time when we can get lots of support and energy from the earth and from our loved ones who have passed on to the next leg of their journey.

it’s a time of renewal and letting go.

in many traditions–shinto, pagan, buddhist, tantric, to name a few–one’s spiritual life is lived in accordance with nature and the seasonal cycles occurring. in this way, you would apply and explore the themes in nature to your own life.

autumn becomes a time of falling.

falling into our deeper selves, our deeper purpose, a deeper discipline, a deeper contemplation……you get the gist.

for me, i am letting myself fall deeper into the calling of my heart. i, like i’m sure many of you, know the thing(s) that you want to do, feel led to do, or feel you have to offer out to the world, and either overtly or insidiously back away from. and btw, “doing” can also mean “being”.

i am letting go of those discursive and silly thoughts that seem some days a continuous flow of diminishment. i am taking my cue from the trees, who gently let each leaf float on down to the ground. and from the earth, who gives up her last bounty of food willingly.

in this season upon me now, i am renewing my committment to stand like the trees, bravely and with a vulnerable nakedness without their leaves. self-expression is like that–we put ourselves out there, and it’s very vulnerable. the trees don’t reach down and stick the leaves back on to cover up. they stick with it through the tough winter. their starkness becomes a gorgeous beauty in and of itself.

every single meditation teacher and therapist i have had over all these years, have all said the same thing; vulnerability is power.

it’s scary to fall. i am afraid of heights. i am afraid of letting go of everything i am holding onto. i am comfortable in this cocoon that i know. my mantra of i can’t and what if and i have no right, are comforting.

but comforting in the same way as keeping a band-aid on that you know needs to be changed and cleaned but you just can’t bear the pain to take it off. so you leave it on and new skin growth cannot occur and soon you have a bigger problem.

but that’s the journey for me. to let what’s not working for me anymore fall away. to follow the divinity of nature and shed all the dead leaves around my mind-heart. those silly untrue messages i picked up, believed, and am hauling around like dead leaves in a hefty garbage bag. time for a bonfire in the back yard.

embrace the fall with me. we can enjoy the ride down together. we are in good company.

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2 responses

19 10 2009
Helen Kim

This is a lovely reminder to stop and think about the way we relate ( or don’t) to nature. Thank you for giving me a few minutes to stop and appreciate what nature and people have to teach us.

21 10 2009
kristen

so timely, inspiring and well written. i think this ones going on the bulletin board as my motivation for the next two months!
Kristen

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