i’ve been in a whirlwind of school finals, holiday things, work, and we are moving to another part of brooklyn on the 29th of this month. blah blah blah. i decided to trust that if i didn’t get to my blog and do every single one of the best 09 challenges that all my readers wouldn’t leave me and that i’d still be a decent human being.
i can get into the silly mental gymnastics competition of, “if i do x, i’ll be a better person.”
it’s a big trap, so i decided to just do what was in front of me taking care of all the things that simply could not wait, and accepting that there is only so much i can do in a day and that’s really ok.
instead of generating more and more energy to do it all, i have made small decisions each day to what needs to get done and then to rest.
it takes some trust to rest. the world goes on without us and we worry we will miss something, or not be on top of our game, or people will forget us and we will be out of the loop. it’s not easy to stop pushing pushing pushing, and to stop saying over and over how busy we are.
it’s so boring to hear that people are busy. it doesn’t really tell you anything specific about them or where they are at anyway. Mostly it just keeps people out.
so that’s where i’ve been. accepting my energetic limits and choosing other things besides being more wound up and stressed out.
when i’ve had a few minutes, i’ve chosen to lay down or go to yoga class or watch a netflix or look through my art books instead of post here.
i can feel my energy gathering again. i can feel the edges of my eyes softening again. i can feel the ease flowing in my veins and muscles. stressed out is not our natural state you know.
what i know about myself is that i don’t want to live life hard and hardened. i want to live it soft and relaxed. i don’t want to grasp and push.
the only way to do that is to choose stillness, not after the turbo-movement has stopped, but while it happening. choosing to stop in the midst of the motion. to extend care towards myself that has it’s own inherent wisdom and knowing of when and how to do that.
obligation and expectation often hijacks that inner knowing.
why do we often find ourselves pushing and extending beyond what feels right for us?
with the solstice approaching, it’s a perfect time to listen to our inner voice of guidance. and ya know what? it always comes in the form of a whisper.